Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize