I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
