my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
