I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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