trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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