Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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