babies were throwing up all over the place
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
even my farts smell like vagina
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
