Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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