Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
