every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
