My balls are so social today.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
