Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
