I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
