He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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