On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just invented taco cereal.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
