I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
