we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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