RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
