thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
