please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
