i'm signing you up for texting rehab
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
