So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
