He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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