Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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