i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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