I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize