Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
