I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
