Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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