is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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