the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
