New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
