my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
