My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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