I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
