When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
