I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
