k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
