508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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