so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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