Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
