i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
