nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
