My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
