So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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