He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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