There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
