So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
