so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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