The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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