I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I want a musical about memes.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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