I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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