I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
