I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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