Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
