If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
