just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
