my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I lost the right to judge tonight
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
