and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
