Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
