Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
