Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
