I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
