you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
