things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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