i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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