dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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