I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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