She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
