You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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