So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
