I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
