The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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