I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
