My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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