oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
